Healing Through Inner Relationship Focusing: A Somatic Approach with Ann Weiser Cornell
Healing is not just about processing our emotions; it’s about how we relate to them. In a recent conversation at the Healing Through Somatic Attachment 2025 Summit, Ann Weiser Cornell, a globally recognized expert in Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF), shared profound insights into how we can cultivate a deep, healing relationship with ourselves through somatic practices.
Ann, who has taught IRF for over 35 years, describes this method as “a somatic practice that puts the body at the center of emotional healing.” The technique, rooted in the pioneering research of Eugene Gendlin, offers a revolutionary way of understanding emotional wounds, attachment trauma, and the process of self-healing.
The Body as an Interactive Process
One of the foundational ideas of IRF is that the body is not merely an object we inhabit, but an interactive process that includes the mind. “Our bodies are always becoming,” Ann explains. “We are not separate from our environment; we orient to it automatically.”
This perspective challenges the traditional dichotomy between body and mind, suggesting instead that meaning, intelligence, and healing all arise from an embodied experience. As Ann describes, “Focusing allows us to sense meaning through the body—it’s a radically different way of understanding healing.”
What is a Felt Sense?
A core concept in IRF is the felt sense, which Gendlin originally identified as a key differentiator between successful and unsuccessful therapy clients. Ann defines a felt sense as “a freshly forming, holistic sense of a situation that has a ‘more than words can say’ quality.” It is an embodied knowing that emerges when we pay close, non-judgmental attention to our internal experience.
To demonstrate, Ann invited participants to pause and sense how they were feeling in the present moment—noticing any subtle bodily sensations without rushing to label them. “Felt senses are inherently meaningful,” she explains. “They are about something deeper than just an emotion; they are the body’s way of signaling the next steps in our personal evolution.”
Healing Attachment Wounds Through Somatic Presence
Attachment wounds occur when our inherent needs for safety, connection, and attunement are not met, leaving parts of us frozen in time. According to Ann, our bodies still carry the knowing of what was missing, and this awareness can be a gateway to healing.
“Every bad feeling is potential energy toward a more right way of being—if you give it space to move toward its rightness,” she shares, quoting Gendlin. In other words, the pain we carry is not just a record of the past; it also contains the seeds of what was needed and can still be repaired.
The Power of Self-in-Presence
A central practice in IRF is cultivating Self-in-Presence, which Ann describes as “a larger self-state of calm, curious, accepting, warm attention.” This state allows individuals to witness their own inner experiences with compassion rather than being overtaken by them.
She guided participants through a simple but transformative language shift:
Instead of saying, I feel anxious, say, Something in me feels anxious.
Then, expand it to: I am sensing something in me feels anxious.
This subtle yet profound rewording creates a crucial space between the self and the emotional experience, allowing for greater self-compassion and regulation. “Who is the I in ‘I am sensing’? That is Self-in-Presence,” Ann explains. “When we say ‘something in me,’ we create the possibility of being with our experience rather than being consumed by it.”
Reclaiming the Missing Relational Presence
Ann highlights that healing requires not just intellectual understanding, but relational presence. A core wound of attachment trauma is the absence of a caregiver’s attuned response. The beauty of IRF is that it allows individuals to become the healing presence that was always needed.
“In therapy, we’re not just helping clients remember the past; we’re helping them provide the missing relational contact to their younger selves,” she explains. A simple yet powerful way to do this is by inviting clients to say: Maybe you can be with the younger you who went through that.
By addressing the wounded parts of ourselves with warmth and curiosity, we create an inner environment where trauma can resolve. As Ann puts it, “The client is not just processing their past, but actively filling in what was missing.”
Applying IRF in Everyday Life
One of the most compelling aspects of Ann’s work is its accessibility. Inner Relationship Focusing is not confined to the therapy room—it’s a tool anyone can use in daily life.
A participant asked if Self-in-Presence could be used in moments of parenting overwhelm. Ann’s response was an emphatic yes. “If your child’s behavior triggers you, you can pause and say, ‘I am sensing something in me is feeling overwhelmed.’ This allows you to relate to your own reaction rather than being consumed by it.”
For those wanting to explore further, Ann offers a free course called Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You, which teaches practical techniques for cultivating Self-in-Presence in everyday challenges.
Final Thoughts
Ann Weiser Ann’s insights remind us that healing is not about erasing our past wounds, but about learning how to relate to them in a new way. Through Inner Relationship Focusing, we can become the compassionate presence we always needed—offering healing, not just to ourselves, but to the world around us.
“The processes that were missing can still occur—no matter how long ago the wounds happened. It is never too late.”
Want to Learn More?
Want to learn more about somatic approaches to relationships? Our Somatic Attachment Therapy Certificate Program offers in-depth training in these methods. Join us to develop the skills needed to help couples create lasting, secure partnerships.
