Reigniting the “Spark” Through Intimacy Coaching
During a long-term relationship, the initial spark and excitement may eventually begin to wane. As partners become more familiar and comfortable with each other, it is natural to move from the “honeymoon phase” into a more mature type of love. Some couples may choose to throw in the towel at this stage; however, with a commitment to growth, couples can continue to deepen their connection far beyond the initial rush of new love. Intimacy coaching is one tool that can help couples accomplish just that.
Intimacy coaching offers guidance to individuals who may struggle with the ability to be open and vulnerable with their partner. Clients are helped to explore their attachment styles, practice vulnerability, and become more emotionally aware. During an intimacy coaching session, activities may include:
Exercises to help clients clarify their wants and needs
Reflection questions and prompts to increase a client’s self-awareness
Meditation and mindfulness practices to increase a client’s presence in their body
Identification and healing of attachment wounds
Homework assignments for couples to connect on a deeper level
Counseling on intimacy issues
While clients may often seek out intimacy coaches for help meeting their physical or emotional needs, relationships are built on combination of different types of intimacy: emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy involves building a sense of closeness when it comes to sharing feelings and vulnerabilities. In order to facilitate emotional closeness, there must be trust, respect, support, and acceptance from all parties. Some practices to enhance emotional intimacy include:
Sharing sucesses and failures
Writing a love letter to your partner
Starting a gratitude journal together
Creating a “bucket list”
Sharing vulnerably
Mental Intimacy
Mental intimacy includes having shared values and morals that can be explored together in conversation. Agreeing on everything is not necessary; however, the ability to have challenging and mentally stimulating discussions and experiences is at the core of mental intimacy. Here are some questions that partners can ask each other to deepen their mental intimacy:
What challenges have you experienced that you are grateful for?
What is one of my characteristics that you love and another that you dislike?
What is a major goal you would like to accomplish this year?
What brings you joy in our relationship?
How would you feel if I changed my religion or spiritual beliefs?
Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy means that two people likely share a similar belief or understanding about life and its purpose. While being spiritually intimate does not require that either person is religious, there may be a mutual sense of connection to a higher power or a realm beyond the material world. Some practices to increase spiritual intimacy include:
Praying or meditating together
Reading and discussing sacred texts
Volunteering together
Discussing the history of your beliefs
Physical Intimacy
There are a wide range of behaviours that can be considered physically intimate - from hugging and cuddling to more intimate activities like kissing and sex. Physical intimacy is not solely limited to romantic partnerships; even platonic relationships may have elements of physical intimacy, such as through hugging, cuddling, or friendly touch. Some strategies to enhance physical intimacy include:
Exploring the body through massage
Enjoying intimacy in a new setting
Incorporating plenty of foreplay
Sharing hugs and kisses throughout the day
While intimacy coaching can help with all forms of intimacy, clients often come to coaches to enhance their emotional and physical intimacy. Intimacy coaches empower couples to communicate more openly, deepen their understanding of each other’s needs, and address any issues that may be impacting their ability to be intimate. Intimacy coaching provides a safe space to explore feelings, desires, and fears and offers hope to clients who are ready to reignite the “spark” in their relationship.
