Building Connection Through Mindful Presence with Jessica Montgomery
This information draws from an experiential session with Jessica Montgomery on Relational Immediacy: Connection in the Transpiring Present Moment. Become a member of The Embody Lab to watch the replay of this live event HERE.
The Power of Now: Creating Meaningful Connections
Have you ever noticed how some moments of connection feel more meaningful than others? Maybe it was when you truly saw a friend's smile, or when someone genuinely asked if you were okay after a difficult experience. These special moments of connection happen in what experts call the "transpiring present moment" - and understanding this concept could transform your relationships.
In our recent Relationship Summit, somatic counselor and trainer Jessica Montgomery shared fascinating insights about how we can create deeper connections by staying present in the moment.
What is the Transpiring Present Moment?
Think of the transpiring present moment as surfing on the wave of "now." It's those precious 7-10 seconds where we're fully present with what's happening - not thinking about the past or worrying about the future. It's when we're completely tuned in to our feelings, sensations, and the connection we share with others.
Why This Matters: The Science Behind Early Connections
Our early experiences of connection as babies shape how we relate to others throughout our lives. Interestingly, babies don't experience the world like we do as adults. While we can focus on specific things (like reading this article while ignoring background noise), babies take in everything all at once - like a lantern lighting up an entire room rather than a flashlight beam focusing on one spot.
These early experiences get stored in our bodies as "implicit memories." While you might not remember being a baby, your body remembers how it felt to be held, comforted, or left alone. These memories influence how safe and welcome we feel in the world today.
Building Better Connections: Practical Tips
Here are some ways you can use the transpiring present moment to strengthen your relationships:
Stay in the Now Instead of planning what to say next or thinking about past interactions, try to focus on what's happening right now between you and the other person. Notice their facial expressions, tone of voice, and how your body feels in their presence.
Use Your Senses Your thinking brain processes about 40 bits of information per second, but your sensing brain processes an amazing 2 million bits! When you pay attention to your senses - what you see, hear, and feel - you tap into this incredible capacity for connection.
Keep It Simple When sharing what you notice, use simple language and stay with what's happening right now. For example, "I notice my heart feels warmer when you smile" or "It seems like something just shifted for you."
Embrace the Good Moments When something positive happens in the connection, let yourself stay with that feeling for a few breaths. This helps build new patterns of security and trust.
When to Use These Skills
These connection skills are particularly helpful in:
Repairing relationships after disagreements
Making transitions smoother (like reuniting after time apart)
Building new relationships
Strengthening existing bonds
Creating Safety in Connection
Montgomery introduces an important distinction between being "safe" and feeling "safe." While literal safety is about physical security, feeling safe (or "safeness") is about emotional comfort. This feeling of safeness allows us to relax, explore, and connect more deeply with others.
The good news is that we can build our capacity for feeling safe through practice. Just like learning any new skill, the more we experience and pay attention to moments of feeling safe, the better we get at creating and maintaining that feeling.
Why This Matters for Everyone
Whether you're a parent, teacher, therapist, or simply someone who wants better relationships, understanding the transpiring present moment can help deepen your relationships and interactions. It reminds us that meaningful connection doesn't always need words or grand gestures - sometimes it's about being fully present for those small, precious moments of human connection.
By practicing these skills, we can create more moments of genuine connection in our lives. And in a world that often feels disconnected, these moments of real human contact become even more valuable.
Remember, every moment of genuine connection, no matter how brief, has the potential to create positive change in our relationships and in ourselves. The next time you're with someone important to you, try staying present in the moment and see what unfolds.
Want to Learn More?
Want to learn more about somatic approaches to connection? Check out our Somatic Attachment Certificate Program, where experts like Jessica Montgomery share their knowledge and experience in creating deeper, more meaningful connections.
If you’re interested in understanding more about relationships and how somatic practices can help you, consider working with a Somatic Therapist or Practitioner. The Embody Lab’s Somatic Therapist and Practitioner Directory can help you find the right practitioner to support your journey towards more self-compassion, connection, and authenticity. Explore our directory and find the support you need.
